I got to Beijing last night on the train, and I have to say, I wasn’t impressed. (Sorry, Beijing.) The train and train station were crowded beyond belief, the toilets were the squat kind (the stuff of nightmares, believe me), and they ran out of taxis. (How the crap does a train station run out of taxis?) Once Yang managed to find us DiDi rides (Chinese Uber), the streets were full of thick pollution, panhandlers, smokers, scary-looking security guards with shields and some kind of double-pronged pointy things that I can only assume are for moving people, and so much traffic. Without Yang there to shepherd me through the entire process, I would have never made it to my hotel.
By the time I did get to my hotel, it was nearly 1 a.m. and I was exhausted and near tears. The combination of a new and stressful experience riding the train, the language barrier, the culture shock and the sleepiness got to me, and I was almost dreading my full-day tour beginning at 7:15 a.m . the next morning.
Thankfully, I am nothing if not responsible about showing up for things I already paid for. I had booked an English-speaking bus tour of Beijing, featuring Tiananmen Square, the Forbidden City and the Great Wall, among a few other things. My bus showed up only slightly after 7:15 led by an adorable guide named Zoe (her English name, obvs.) who bustled me off to the small bus (van, really) and I met my new friends for the day.
Tour guide Zoe with her “flag,” which you may recognize as Peppa the Pig if you have children… or nieces.
The group was me, a family of five captained by Mom Lindsey, the family’s “cousin Darryl” (who was my age and, I gather, a family friend, because the kids kept calling him “cousin Darryl” with a snide giggle), and two older guys, Gustavo and Martin. Gustavo was traveling on business and Martin was tagging along to see the sights.
Our tour started at Tiananmen Square and the entrance to the Forbidden City, which is really all in the same place. We did not go in to see Chairman Mao’s creepily preserved body encased in a clear crystal casket, more’s the pity.
I did see a version of the Chairman though.
The thing I will probably remember most about the Forbidden City is that I have never experienced so many people crammed through such little entrances. The other biggest crowds I’ve ever been in have been exiting concerts or festivals, and they were Americans. Americans have this “bubble” of socially acceptable space around them. The Chinese do not. At all. I don’t think there’s a Chinese word for “excuse me.” Then again, even Zoe seemed a little upset by how crowded it was.
Lindsey, who probably had the most trouble with the gut-squashing crowds as any of us (including me, which surprised the hell out of yours truly), pointed out that if this were America, someone would’ve already gotten shot. I can’t decide if I should scold us for being so wild, wild west about our guns and freedom, or praise us for never being stupid enough to have that many people in one place at a time. I was expecting to be anxious or freaked out or even light-headed in the big crowds, but none of that happened. I held my camera close and just let the crowd do the pushing. Turns out crowds are a lot easier when you accept that all your body parts are going to be touching everyone else’s body parts.
Anyway, there were some really beautiful parts, too, but I forgot my camera cord back in Kunshan, so you’ll have to wait for the good pictures. Right now, all I have are my phone pictures and I didn’t take many.
Next, we headed out of the city via the Hutongs, which I gather are little alleys full of one-story apartments with stores on the street side. Zoe said a lot of her generation grew up in them. We stopped for a potty break… squat toilets. But you know, they’re not actually that bad. And you don’t have to sit on a gross seat, so there’s that.
Lunch was at a jade museum, which was less of a museum and more of a giant jade mall/tourist trap with more white people in it than the rest of China combined. We ate lunch there, and then headed out to the Great Wall.
It’s hard for me to describe the Great Wall. It’s not as wide as you’d think, maybe, but it’s so, so much more expansive. And steep. I actually wimped out on walking part of it (on the small part our group looked at) because I was scared I’d break my face.
Then we headed back to Beijing for a tea ceremony, which was really cool, and where the ceremony lady convinced me to buy like $60 worth of tea I wasn’t going to buy, and then actually feel good about my purchase. I think she poisoned my tea, maybe. Buuut souvenirs of tea are as good as any, I figure.
I finished the evening with a plate of pan-fried dumplings all to myself, thank you very much.
I still think Beijing is crowded and dirty and it stresses me out, but I have to admit I had a lovely time with my day-long friends. Maybe bus tours are just my jam.
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